Curse

Aracos79 · Sep 12, 2005, 03:03 AM // 03:03

Perhaps it would be for the best if the mods would lock and sticky this thread. Obviously there are those among us who cannot simply express relief that someone we thought was gone is thankfully still with us. We love you Zehly, and we're pulling for you.

SOT · Sep 12, 2005, 04:33 AM // 04:33

Zehly, when I was 16 years old, I took 65 cc's of insulin, into my stomach. I spent 6 months in a coma. Waking up from a 6 month coma when you are in your teen years is an extremely eye opening experience. You learn how very precious life is. You learn that for some reason, your time here is not overspent. You learn that life is more powerful than we, as people, like to admit sometimes. You learn that to carry on is more important that what has tried to make you 'set it down'.

No one can know you as well as you do, and therefore, no one can possibly come to any conclusions about the kind of person you are within yourself, where it is apparent to me that you have strengths others cannot see. No one can name you anything but that which you name yourself. Remember that, and please be safe.

If you ever need to talk, you know how to find me.

Link Ironhammer · Sep 12, 2005, 04:58 AM // 04:58

You people need to understand how she feels. This guy feels the same way:

As the waters rose in their small home in Biloxi, Miss., Hardy and Tonette Jackson moved up to the rafters. Then Hurricane Katrina split their house in two with a massive 20-foot wave.

Hardy Jackson, 54, did his best to hold on to his wife, his companion of 29 years, before the waters carried her away forever.

I hold her hand as tight as I could," he told ABC News on Aug. 30. "She told me, 'You can't hold me.' She said, 'Take care of the kids, and the grandkids.' "

Jackson's breathless account of his wife slipping out of his grip, his grief — and the love expressed in his emotions — have touched many. Three days later, it's fairly certain she's dead.

Now, on his own, Jackson will care for their four children, the youngest of whom is 12, and three grandchildren, none of whom was at the house when the hurricane hit. Jackson has been a stay-at-home dad for the past 10 years after his car was hit by a train, and his wife worked at a local seafood factory. The family is staying with relatives because the hurricane destroyed their house completely.

It's his devotion to his family that has captured Americans' hearts.

Each day since Katrina, Hardy has returned to what is left of his home — and to thoughts of what he will do about his wife's last words.

"Because I'm going to keep my promise to God," he said.

"And to my wife," he added.

This man has touched my heart as has lain.

PieXags · Sep 12, 2005, 05:07 AM // 05:07

I really hate it when the topic of suicide as a whole is brought up on forums, in a classroom, in a magazine, on the news, or whatever. If it's not a personal discussion it's a bad thing...why?

Because there are a few things we all should know about suicide. The first being that those suicidal people in this world need help, and they should recieve love and compassion and any form of companionship they require in order to regain their control on life. Then there are the truths that about suicide in itself, things like "its selfish", "it has an effect on family", "shouldn't do it", etc. These are also true of the idea of suicide. What we need to learn though is that the truths of the idea should be kept OUT of threads like this. Lain doesn't need to know the facts about suicide, she needs what she needs to regain a healthy outlook on life.

And that's what the context of this thread SHOULD be, not all your past experiences, not all your "poor me's" or "I'm smarter" shit, this thread should be for Lain and those who are concerned.

Vermilion Okeanos · Sep 12, 2005, 05:13 AM // 05:13

Life is a great thing to me... Being alive allow me to watch the world change bit by bit... Believer become unbeliever, unbeliever become believer... What happen? What made such change? How? Why?

So many question unanswered inside this world... and I would like to find something myself... and leave a mark in the universe history... and hopfully big enough to be knowtice by the universe.

I am a mere human, but that does not stop me to become great... If my dream were to rule the world... and I will have to become God to do so... I will die trying to become God.

Determination.

Manderlock · Sep 12, 2005, 05:22 AM // 05:22

People sharring their experinces are not saying poor me, realating is not a bad thing.

But Though I disagree with many of your points I will agree that this thread should be about Lain and how glad we are to have her back.

dansamy · Sep 12, 2005, 06:03 AM // 06:03

The human psyche is a very fragile thing at times. Blows that we conscioulsy don't think affected us much actually cut us very deeply on a subconscious level. Then, we wake up going "WTH happened?!?!?" People who attempt suicide are not thinking rationally, for whatever reason. They need help to get their thinking clear again.

{{{Big Hugs}}} I hope you are getting the help you need and the respite that will help you to heal.

Lag Hell · Sep 12, 2005, 10:01 AM // 10:01

Welcome back.... right now i cant think of anything to say, been very worried, so have the rest of us, get some rest and try not to spend too much time by urself, u think too much when theres no1 else around.

Peace

Savio · Sep 12, 2005, 10:33 AM // 10:33

Zehly, there are many people who support you, including many on this forum. Just take it easy; many of us go through the same thing. We're here for ya.

Aniewiel · Sep 12, 2005, 01:10 PM // 13:10

I am sorry to see that, once again, people have hijacked this thread and turned it into a discussion of their own viewpoints and into a selfish discussion, completely disregarding the OP.

That said, Zehly, welcome back. I'm sure you've gotten a lot of PMs from people with enough social/emotional graces to give you the support you need in this time of your life. I am so glad you're back and that you're on the road to recovery.

Aniewiel · Sep 12, 2005, 01:48 PM // 13:48

I am posting this last comment at the request of Zehly.

*********************

Hi,

I woke up this morning I read this thread. I'm amazed at how many people answered. Not so much so, because I think there aren't people that care about me--I've come to learn this is not the case. I'm amazed to find how many trolls and flamers there are posting to this forum.

I will be the first to admit that what I did was a mistake, but from this mistake I've come to learn a lot about the fragility of life, and how it important it is to keep going, even when the world is caving in around you. The world is caving in around me, in such a way as the most trivial things seem so insurmountable. It is hard to keep going. Some people plan what they do next year, others for next month, and some for next week. I don't even have the luxury of planning what I'm going to do. I take my days minute by minute, hour by hour, because anything more feels like it's too much. This is what I'm doing to keep myself safe--taking things in tiny doses.

My first reaction to reading this thread was heartache, pain, and reminiscense of sorrow. I cried, and did so for a while, but then came to the realization that I cannot expect all of you to care about me--nor should I, I suppose. In a world so huge and complicated, with so much pain, I only have the love and nurture of others to keep me going.

My college friend read this thread, and was--more or less--ready to hunt some of you down. She told me not to take some of the posts to heart, and helped me differentiate the posts that are meaningful from the posts that are spiteful, both towards myself and others.

For me, my threads like this aren't like other threads, where I can ignore flames and trolls as the ignorant, mindless posts of fools with inferiority complexes. I can't just ignore what is said, take it as a grain of salt, and, in forming my response, make sure to address the flamers in some sarcastic way, not to further the situation, but to make note that I indeed notice what they are doing, and I disagree.

In all honesty, I'm a very emotional girl. I see the world around me in two ways. I either see it in the intellectual, scientific way, which I have come to learn through countless hours of education (I already have a B.S. in physics, and I'm working towars a masters degree). I see things like that maybe 10% of the time. The other 90% is a viscous fluid of emotional, swollen by my own personal tragedies, my worldview, and my numerous social fears.

If you are of the mindset that one should not create emotional threads in an off-topic forum, or in general, STOP READING. Just do us all a favor, and stop. If you disagree with it, don't read it, and do something else. You have nothing to gain from it, nor do I, or anyone else here. It's not fair to me, or to my friends, or to others who might benefit from my experiences, or the experiences of others.

I live in a very cynical world. I don't trust many people with my feelings, and find it hard to let people in. I live in a very insecure world. I'm constantly afraid of being hurt, being abused, being misjudged, being misguided, and being mistaken. Many of those are not just in the emotional and social sense, but also in the physical sense. The fact of the matter is, I hated life before I met Eileen. When I met her, she gave me a reason to live. She got me into college, showed me how to tap into my thirst for understanding my world through science. She gave me a purpose. And without her, I feel like I have lost my purpose. But after several nights of restless sleep, plagued with nightmares, flooded with tears, and stricken with sorrow, I realize that my purpose now is to fulfill her dreams. Not only the dreams she had for herself, but those that she had for me. And I think that she would have wanted me to grow into the good person she saw in me--the one she brought out in me.

So when I post here, I take a risk. I open myself up to you all, but the risk is there, and it's a high one, that I'll just be exploited by those who lack understanding. Those who lack the desire to find peace and harmony in this damned world. And alas, I am exploited by them. And up until now, I let myself hurt from it. But I will no longer do that. Even though the chance is there that I might take the words of the trolls and flamers to heart, I will try not to. Instead of allowing these things to make me more insecure, more fearful, and more hurt, I will use them to make myself more aware. Aware that people like you (the trolls and flamers, the distasteful, and the depraved), are those that I should stay away from, those that I shoud strive NOT to be like.

I have come thus far to appreciate the excellent jobs the moderaters have done for me. I know that there have been a lot of things I shouldn't have seen removed. And more often than not, they caught it before I did, and I'm grateful for that. I'm indebted to the moderaters, because they have in a way given me an invaluable amount of protection from unnecessary pain. In my eyes, you have been the guardian angels watching over me, and that means more than I can say.

Sometimes I feel guilty for posting here. I feel this way because I think that some might think that I'm more important than anyone else. Those thoughts are absolutely wrong. In truth, I feel insignificant, but I'm working with that. And my friends here are working on that. And I wish there were something I could do to make it up to them, to show them somehow they have made a difference in my life.

If you (the trollers, et al) feel it necessary to remind me that I need "outside help" or "to talk to someone" then it's merely because you don't know me, and you don't know the support system that I have tried to build up. Though you might mean well, your expression of this, more often than not, is shadowed by the intensity of the negativity in your post. That's a shame, because I know that so people might not say what they mean. I know this because a few people haved PM'd me apologizing. Those apologies are accepted, because I know that we all err in our endeavours to articulate our thoughts.

I want to finish by, again, attempting to show my gratitude towards the numerous individuals who have come to my rescue. And there are heroes out there, too. There are people who have given me a hope on the magnitude that I haven't felt since before Eileen died. I'm also indebted to you. You have become icons to me; individuals that I look up to, and seek advice from. As trivial as my questions may seem, or as material as they may be, you answer them with what I see as honesty, and it helps. So you are truely heroes, and without you, I doubt I'd be here right now. You convinced me to call 911. As cliche as it might sound, you saved my life, and I'm eternally grateful for it. I only wish I could be more like you.

Yours,
~Lain.